This is a bit of a misnomer of a title. Truth be told, I don’t think we ever ‘overcome’ it. But please do read on and embrace the fear of the unknown…
Young or old, smart or smarter, first job or best job, I imagine that most of us will have experienced *that* feeling.
It’s different for each of us. How we develop it, how we interpret it and how it makes us feel. It was crippling in my case. I was working in direct sales for an amazing tailoring company, great boss, dream lifestyle, but the fear of someone not wanting to speak with me on the phone, let alone agree to a sales meeting, saw me struggling to get out of bed in the mornings. It was consuming me and with hindsight, I was heading into what I now know as a depressive episode.
I received lots of advice – ‘it’s a numbers game’ or ‘there’s nothing to fear but fear itself’ and many other messages of support from some really great people. Nothing. Sadly. Worked.
So I fought. I resisted. I pushed myself harder. And I became more and more subdued. I ended up quitting because I saw this as my only way out. By resisting the thoughts and feelings I was having towards my work – I was creating more resistance. More emotion. I spiralled down a big black hole on an almost daily basis.
There were, however, some days or moments of sheer greatness in that period. Days where one phone call led to another, which led to appointments and sales and all was good in the world.
It’s only now when I look back that I truly see what happened in these moments. It was joy. The joy that I had unconsciously accepted the situation. I had let go of all emotion and the story that I was creating around it.
They say that what you resist, persists. And never has this notion been so clear than in our present day. Two opposing groups – two different arguments. One wants to pull the other to their side of belief, so the other, in response, pulls even harder. Both are resisting the present situation, which is basically that they have different viewpoints. It prevents them from working together to find unique or even better solutions that could fix or find compromise in both of their beliefs. Their resistance holds them back from moving forward.
I’m reminded of my dogs in this situation – when they’re having their 1700th pulling game of the day, gritted teeth, tensile rope, it just takes one of them to stop, to drop the rope, which in turn releases the tension (for all of us in the room). In a tug of war (of ideas), it just takes one person to let go for the tension to stop.
In a tug of war (of ideas) it takes just one person to let go for the tension to stop.
When it comes to fear of rejection – I invite anyone to recognise the tension it creates in them and to WELCOME the emotion. I’ll be honest, you won’t get everything that you want or aim for in life, if what you are aiming for is a specific object or a promotion. You can’t change what will happen – rejection, depending how you see it, will happen. We can’t control everything around us, just how we feel about it.
You can, however, change how you think about it. Rather than aim for the job role/title that you may or may not get, what is it about that new job that will bring you contentment? New challenges? Well, this is the first challenge relating to it, so congrats, you’re already on your roadmap to success! Leadership potential? Good leadership always comes from within, so once again, this learning experience of applying for a promotion and managing the emotions that come with it will set you on the right track…
Resistance will only lead toward negativity. Acceptance, on the other hand, clears the way. It opens up the space for greatness – for wonderful things to flow into your life. So when it comes to fear of rejection, as I said at the outset we don’t ‘overcome it’. Rather, we let it come over us and pass on by in the slipstream. That way it doesn’t stay with us and we can allow our minds to enjoy the wonderment of work and play; the joy of the journey of that job application or the enthusiasm we get when we finally have a meeting with that client.
