There was a post involving me recently which posed the question: What IS Coaching?
There was an image of me, delivering training for the next generation of coaches at Nova Terra, Brussels. It was in a forest, far from the confines of a typical training session or the image of a traditional coaching session with two people sat across from each other. And for anyone who has been coached or is coaching, we can all attest that no such thing exists!
What followed from this post were some interesting talking points with friends and other professionals, asking me that very same question, but specifically: What exactly is coaching?
Inspired by their curiosity – and led by my own, I reflected over the weekend and thought I’d clarify a few points.
#1: Definitions of coaching differ by coaches
Each coach has their own definition of coaching. If you’re looking to work with a coach – ask them for it! Mine is defined as ‘a meaningful conversation with an outcome’. In essence, or typically, coaching is about partnering and moving with a coachee from where they are currently to where they want to be. Or not. It can, for some coachees, be to stand still whilst everything else around them moves. Invariably, a skill, behaviour or something performance related is brought to the table by the coachee. Coaches work with their coachees to measure what or how they will know they’ve been successful both in pragmatic terms and on a feeling level too.
#2: WHO we are is HOW we coach.
Each coach has a ‘framework’ – conscious or unconsciously. For want of a better word, these are boundaries where you can choose to meet them if you take them on as your coach. I cannot stress enough the importance of a framework for coaching – it speaks to the coach’s willingness and desire to put in measures for their own safety. In nurturing this feeling of safety in themselves, the coach can then be present in a secure relationship with the coachee so they can really co-partner for the journey and be in service to the goal at stake.
#3: Coaching is not about what we DO.
Coaching as we know it today is less about what the coach ‘does’ in a coaching session. Not a chemistry call goes by where I’m not asked what methodology I use, what tools do I bring to the table etc. My response is always the same: questions and the gift of silence are my tools… Which often brings about a silence in itself and moment of reflection. I find this reaction proves my case in point. The coachee in that moment of silence is finding some new awareness. And without awareness, there can be no change.
#4: Coaching is about how the coach IS…
To refer to above, if I’m searching my brain for the right tool in a coaching conversation, then I’m no longer present with my client. I’m with myself. And ‘tools’ imply that my there’s something to be fixed in my coachee. So long as my clients are breathing, I follow the belief that they’re doing something right, and we move forward from there. So coaching speaks very much to the presence of the coach. Their ability to be with the coachee in their ‘full catastrophe’ or ‘full greatness’… or ‘suffering’; a universal feeling for all.
To summarise, coaching is a moment in time of a coach being with their coachee. Partnering together, moment by moment, together they are present enough, away from the distractions of modern life to really focus on what’s happening for coachee in relation to their goals. The coach is able to attune to what emotions are arriving, able to share such observations with the coachee and discover how that informs the task at hand; what beliefs are present that may be holding them back or propelling them forward; what’s important to the coachee (or not) about their story and which track to take from there.
So- coaching, it’s not exactly what you think.
It’s also what you feel.
If you want to discover more about coaching – being coached or becoming a coach, do not hesitate to contact me via one of the channels below.
