This morning I missed an appointment. Not a client, but a meeting with a contractor at 8am. This. Never. Happens. Or so I thought… Over the years I know that I have judged people for not turning up to appointments, become angry, felt wronged, bitter, resentful. It’s fair to say I was carrying a lot of extra emotions somedays that really weighed me down.
Today was different. Not because it was me who forgot this time – like most, I can be my own worst critic and really pile on the pressure when I’ve not delivered. But this time, I was able to glide right through the fallout. Like water off a duck’s back, nothing stuck to me; no feeling of being weighed down.
On reflection, this is how I did it:
#1 – Non-judgement: What were the facts of the situation? I had taken on a lot lately, huge changes in my personal and professional life, over-committed and lost my routine. There was no malice. In missing the meeting, I had done something of much greater value for myself and others. I wasn’t stupid nor forgetful. I’m a good person with good intentions.
#2 – Acknowledge emotions: I noticed how I was feeling; at first fear that the other persons would be angry, then sadness that I had let myself down, angry that I hadn’t been fair to to them… and then I acknowledged that I was angry with myself. More than just acknowledging the emotions themselves, I acknowledged that the ‘emotions‘ were there to do just that – move me; it’s in their name afterall. The feeling of fear? It told me I needed safety in that moment, so I called the contractor to apologise and make sure our relationship was still on steady grounds, safe. The sadness? I needed to change, to move on, be different if this wasn’t to happen again; so I’ve decided to check my schedule the night before and adjust my ‘do not disturb’ function to to allow non-essential contacts to call me at earlier times of the day. The anger? I used that kick-ass high-energy level to quickly work through these points! Hence it only took five minutes…
#3 – Be the negotiator, not the hostage: In this short space of time, I kept my mind’s eye focussed on one essential question; What is this experience teaching me? Other thoughts were: How will I ensure that this won’t happen again? And who will I be if I learn from this experience? I chose to not be the victim in this story, but rather the success. For more on this mindset, I urge you to read ‘Hostage at the Table’ by George Kohlrieser. Phenomenal book. Highly recommend.
And now, it’s just after 9am. I’ve written up my blog for the week, ready to move on through my day with a lightness of touch, efficiency and effectiveness that a younger me could only have dreamed of… forgiveness really is (a) key.
