‘Work is so frustrating at the moment’. 

‘My partner is doing my head in… he’s really frustrating me’.

‘Could I BE anymore frustrated?!’

Fair to say, we can all relate to these moments. We are not all the same (imagine how boring that would be) but at the same time, we can be worlds apart. We may live in the same house or work in the same building, but metaphorically speaking, we often feel like we’re in a different postcode, country or even universe! How many times have we used the phrase ‘what planet are you on?’ whilst incredulously (read: scathingly) staring at THAT person. 

It’s not easy but there is a quick fix to this frustration. Walk away. You don’t have to work. You don’t have to stay with your partner. Arguably, you probably shouldn’t abandon your kids(!) but you get the gist… You are in control of your own destiny. If something frustrates you – you have agency to make an improvement in your life to remove the frustration. 

If something frustrates you – you have agency.

Now I’m not advocating that we should abandon ship every time something goes wrong or ‘frustrates’ us. We don’t have to pay our mortgages, but we do sure as hell need to be sure that we are ready to accept the consequences… and I for one have relocated enough for one lifetime. So rather than making a quick fix to the immediate and present frustration, it can often be more effective (but requires more effort) to look within and improve ourselves to deal with the situation. 

I remember in my former life in London where the whole business I worked for, myself included were all frustrated with the status quo. So frustrated, so caught up in our frustrations that we couldn’t see the path to resolve it. Everything was negative. We spent more time moaning about the issues than on our jobs of being paid to fix them! It took one very insightful coach (and that one word feels like a disservice – she was consultant, business analyst, mentor, adviser and as you may have gathered, inspirational to me personally). She suggested, from the top down, that we remove that word from our vocabulary. She said: remember, it’s not a frustration, it’s a FASCINATION. 

This one word was the spark that lit a fiery wave of optimism in all levels of the business. It infiltrated our daily vocabulary. We even used it on each other –  ‘it fascinates me how you can just leave your desk in such a messy state for the next person’ sounded so much nicer to hear than ‘you frustrate me when you leave your desk so messy for the next person’. (Hot-desking was getting pretty heated back then!) Before long, we had stopped focussing on what was wrong and started focusing on what we could do better – how WE could do it better. Us and our agency within the business rather than us vs them (the business). Through changing our language, with one simple word, we became deeply engaged with our business.

So, language in the workplace (or home environment) is important. Yes, it only counts for 8% of our total communication (see other articles on body language and tone) but if you could (starting tomorrow) offer an 8% increase in effectiveness to your team or employer, you’d take that opportunity, wouldn’t you? 

Try this…

Next time you find yourself stuck in a rut, unable to move forward with something that maybe frustrates FASCINATES you, that blocks you, locate your imaginary, hidden video camera and play back the day’s events or meetings. Think about the words you used. Write them down. Did you ask someone to change something, or improve it? Were you frustrated by an action or fascinated by it? Are there any words that keep coming back which have a negative connotation? can you reformulate them more positively? As you start to master that internal (and external) dialogue, you’ll eventually become more masterful, more assertive of all those around you. Who knows, you might even become a coach one day! Maybe not for others, but definitely the best coach for yourself. 

And since you’re here –

If you want more awareness of you and your agency in your life; to have greater control and be more assertive in your respected arenas, then pop over to my Mapping Sessions page and discover how working with me will encourage even more opportunities for working on you…